The Big Book
May 16, 2003
An entire tackle store arrived at my house the other day. When I found it, the shop looked cramped in my mailbox – the postman had obviously rolled it like a burrito to get it to fit and now its edges were curled halfway up the inside walls. As I pulled it from the box, the tackle store sprung proudly back to shape, revealing a glossy green cover that glowed brightly in the sun. And on that cover was printed the magic word – the one that makes your pulse rate quicken, your mind wander and your wallet quake in terror – Cabela’s.
The urge was strong to drop right there, on the lawn, and tear into the thing, but I decided instead to wait a few minutes and savor the delicious anticipation. Back in the house, the nearly 2-pound catalog made a resounding thud as I dropped it on the coffee table. After a long and wet spring, the arrival of the Cabela’s catalog was a sign that everything would, indeed, be okay after all. The sun would actually come out someday, the wind would eventually die off and the fish would start to bite again.
I grabbed a beer, arranged the pillows on the couch into the maximum comfort position, and since my wife wasn’t home, plopped my feet up on the coffee table and dove in. Instead of doing the cover-to-cover reading that I normally would, I opened the book to a random page. I immediately dog-eared it. Yep, there on the upper right corner of Page 93 was an assortment of smallmouth bass flies that I absolutely had to own. Never mind the fact that I haven’t been flyfishing for smallies since I was 12…
With the page safely marked, I moved on. An arbitrary turn to page 15 in the big book took me to the land of spinning reels. A little disappointed at first because I already have a garage full of perfectly good reels (some still new in the box), I was about to move on to a page with more pressing items on it…until something caught my eye. Apparently, Shimano’s Stella spinning reel comes equipped with what the catalog touted as “cold-forged gears” and something called a “titanium-coated Power Roller III,” both of which I’m quite positive I need, though I’m not totally sure what they do. At $589.99, I’m pretty sure, though, that the reel’s guaranteed to catch me more fish! Earmark number two.
I also put a couple packs of Hammerin’ Hare Wobblehead Jigs on my list (perfect for that trip to Wisconsin to go musky fishing that I don’t have planned); and for that big fish fry that I’ve always wanted to have but never got around to doing, a Rock-It Automatic Fish Scaler would make the job so much easier. Just because I like the name, I added a 4-pack of Lindy Fish-A-Loops (chartreuse, please). Next, I found some $15 jerkbaits (big money, big fish, right?) that my tackle box couldn’t live without, a 10-foot folding boat (who doesn’t need one of those), a 10-person dome tent — with separate rooms, I might add – a complete paintball outfit, a jerky making machine and, of course, a Beer Can Chicken Cooker – because it’s just downright un-American not to have one of those!
Wow — I had no idea I needed so much stuff! I took out a calculator and added up the items I had selected. They came to a grand total of $4,259.87. Guess I better start pacing myself since the Bass Pro Shops catalog is on its way…
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